1
afternoon sun-
bodies on streets,
crowded water
2
a farting jet -
I smell panic, in the air
3
an electric fan
whispers refreshing caresses
4
grey sky
sun glimpses over
washed paintings
5
he took so much time to win,
like a 60 years old man
Viagra he needs
6
sound installation--
fight and screams-
I win
sound cables
from plugs to plugs
headache
7
Secrets -
a phantom dances
in Neverland
arena funeral -
a sad smile
all around the world
8
piles of petris
and anaerobes -
suffocation
9
glued on seat
the bus brings me home-
dead end
10
At late evening-
music coming from TV,
resuscitate my dead body
11
dirty brushes, toilet paper-
on balcony, moon shines
a drying painting
body painted legs
lay on the sofa
12
warm breeze,
yellow fields -
a red dress floats
13
green pond
under trees,
a dog splashes
Sunny afternoon,
Stream of ice-creams
along the lake shore
Hot air,
noses suffer
in buses















Critiques
I like your use of personification throughout most of the pieces. However, many are wordy with adjectives that don't really help expand the image. BTW, why the mature filter?
Day 1: A bit on the wordy side, "blazing atmosphere" is an unusual way to describe hot weather, but it doesn't help the reader visualize anything more, not even telling the time of day. I'm on the fence with "spots". On one hand it sounds interesting that the hot weather can be spiteful as to target people. On the other hand, it makes line one run into line two- forcing the two to be one sentence. Plus an "atmosphere" suggest it's all encompassing, so "spot" becomes an oxymoron. :/
I like the phrase "crowded water".
Day 2: Ha ha, I would never have guessed that's what you'd meant without the explanation. Heck of a pun. It does explain the really odd choice of comma placement in line two.
Day 3: The one I like the most so far. Nice personification with "whisper refreshing caresses". Though is it necessary to mention that the fans are spinning - I mean what else do fans do, oscillate? Describing what kind of fan, say "ceiling fan" or "paper fan" would give more bang for buck.
Day 4: Your artist comment stands in stark contrast to the haiku itself, which sounds miserable. The image I get from it is: cloudy weather --> rain washes away the painting --> sun comes again. The "-tears-" bit was also unusual, and assuming it represents rain (I'm not fan of metaphor in haiku BTW), there's a lot of action in line one, while two lines are devoted to the single moment of the sun appearing over washed out paintings. The core of the haiku is good though, how nature alters human constructs to its own whim.
Day 5: Way, way wordy. Do you really need a simile and some yoda speak to say "Sportsman took ages to win"?
Thanks for writing.
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